#news

With no vote as per usual

But no more

New London has become a Democratic country

With their new president

Tronald Dump

With a more conservative mindset

What will become of New London

!Breaking News! Welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr.News here with the news. After yesterday's mandate, none of the protests calmed down. Cat will be holding a speech on the current state's security on harvesters. That will be at 7 today. Recent news about Arine they are still going fine. In Velonian news, the rallies are continuing. That is all we have for right now but stay tuned for an exclusive interview at 2. I'm Mr.News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

!!RED MIST NEWS!! This is a secretive broadcast channel for the suffering harnessers, paromatican forces have already overpowered stone creek and killed at least 3 harnessers. They had families they were just trying to protect, someone please help end this tyranny

!!RED MIST NEWS!! -- Arine rejoyce as the oppressive doug dimmadome has been taken out of power. However as Paromatica continues its regime, we warn about visitings especially in guilders.

!!Caho News 7!! Be careful while wearing bright colors north of caho, there has been a new Gang leader “Pablo” who is murdering anyone he deams against him. stay safe out there.

Paromatican Trustworthy Radio: After the recent attacks on the paromatican capitol the Swordess has called for a United nations meeting. She has assured that it will be safe for all world leaders involved, including moving military personall into Appurten, the capital district.

Breaking News: Alexei has had a son! The new tzarevich’s name is Boris Sokolov II

=!From the great leaders breaking news!= Blytalia has shot artillery at fire island killing one of the well known harnessers "Lon Gin" what a tragedy... Paromatica is requesting a meeting with Blytalia, Im sure things will be resolved.

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr.News here with the news. A new type of drug the Harnester Drug as the kids are calling it. It is making harnesters stronger. In other news, Blytalia and Paramatica are fighting each other again. Most are saying it is because Blytalia had a shot fired at Fire Island. I have also heard this part has been redacted for its political bias I'm Mr.News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

!Ground breaking news: the ground is breaking after the battle in japan town, very pale people have been seen coming out of the ground and creating rocks... more on this later

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr.News here with the news. A famous MeCylinderer got arrested today. His name is SPP. His real name is Tryant Eurham Mmmerson Boreland. He was found with 100 terabytes of kitty pics. I didn’t think people liked younger cats like that. He is facing up to 1000 years in the slab. Welp, i’m Mr.News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

GNI69: In the Southern Froghorn Islands, loud crashes, winds, and lights were seen last night at around 12:31AM for roughly about 15 minutes. The cause is believed to be from a battle between Froghorn Islands Citizen Dave and Unknown Man identified as Kideku Tanzo, more on that later as we gather more info. We spoke to Dave himself, who has said “It is possible I fought that guy last night, but who really knows”.

It’s almost time for the 1985 election! Candidates will be choosen within the next month and the election is suspected to occur around December, once the candidates are chosen the debates will begin

-=-=!!! Paromatican NoCapRadio !!!=-=----=-= After the Great Swordess Cat Nothing Stepped Down Voluntarily And Gave Paromatica To Her Son, Sundry, He Has Been Working Tirelessly To Fix The Worlds Problems!! He Is Not In Caho, And Has Nothing To Do With The Recent Explosion At Fort Chilicothy. He Was Seen This Morning Signing Papers In The Capitol, And Will Most Certainly Keep Working Hard!!

-=-=!!! Paromatican NoCapRadio !!!=-=----=-= OUR HERO RANGO SAVES THE DAY! Make sure to get to safe structures as the world ending event has ended. DO NOT PANIC - STAY CALM - Paromatica has deployed many strong soldiers to evacuate and protect. Our current deathtoll estemates to be over 2 billion. DO NOT PANIC - STAY CALM - Paromatica is taking full control of everything in the Great Paromatic Ocean, everything is under control.

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr.News here with the news.The Rango Azicory just said "dont buy Shnut Bucks, it will leave you broke a poor fo the rest of yourl life." He says that it will fail very soon. Well i will sure as hell not buy Shnut Bucks. Welp, i’m Mr.News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

GNI69: The first FY Store has opened up in downtown Paromatica, celebrating their grand opening at the beginning of the new year

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today a new company has started to slowly buy out on of the Cluck You's in Peloshia. This company has also started to buy out a tower on the Paramatic beach. They call themselves Azicory Indestries. Owned and ran buy 13-year-old Jack Azicory. This will make him the youngest CEO in Peloshia history. Azicory Industries has also bought the Bontu Ball arena next to the big tower. They are planning to have the best Bontu Ball team in the whole world. Try outs for the team will be this Thursday at noon. "Azicory indestries hopes to make Peloshia more efficent and safer for everyone." says Jack in our interview with him. "at some point we hope that everything you buy will be the Azicory brand." Welp, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

GNI69: FY Announces that they will be removing all current and future Femboy Hooters locations in their stores, and instead replacing them with Finn’s. Spokesperson Jigglefoot Disease for Femboy Hooters said “We believe that they’re not going through with our business, due to us being a nonprofit”. FY has not yet commented on the matter

GNI69: The Best Restaurant Ever opens its first store, making $60 trillion in its first few minutes

-=-=!!! Paromatican NoCapRadio !!!=-=- WE HAVE DETECTED SPIES OFF THE COAST OF JAPAN TOWN! THEY HAVE BEEN SEEN STEALING BLUEPRINTS!! PAROMATICA WILL NOT LET THIS SLIDE.

-Paromatican Times News- Ronald Rumph has partnered up with Shnuts Co. to open up new business in Paromatica.

GNI69: The FY Corporation® recalls $60,000 worth of wheat from their stores and restaurants, as they contain traces of donkey knuckle

GNI69: The FY Corporation®’s Distribution Center temporarily closes after a sudden slime infestation is discovered. Security camera footage shows the infestation was started by some unidentified man. FY® has began an investigation into the situation, more details on this story if it progresses.

GNI69: February 17, 2025
An explosion has occurred at the FY® Offices in Paromatica. The source of the blast is unknown, many believe it to have rother been a deliberate attack by Azicory Industries™, or a leak of some chemical

-=-=!!! Paromatican NoCapRadio !!!=-=- The Swordo Sundrie has denounced Actussia and has stated that they will rename the Actussian Mountain range to the "Paromatic Mountains"

GNI69: The FY Corporation® will be changing their logo to this one, as well as selling all of their property between Azicori Industries and C-Cas

BRO THAT IS A LITTLE CLOSE TO ANOTHER SYMBOL DAWWG

maybe jordan behr should think of a small redesign

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today azicory industries stock had gone up 40% in the past few weeks. On other news a new group has formed in Japan town calling themselves the “reavowed ones” they have come from the crater under Japan town. They have started calling Japan town “chairville.” Paromatican authorities say they have the issued handled. Also I have heard sights of a new cult forming. It is said that they worship a goddess called (this name has been redacted). They call themselves “the awakened church.” Kids these days am I right. Well , I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

GNI69: CEO of FY Jordan Berer has recently announced a manhunt for his brother Ron Berer, who has been missing for over a week now. They’re offering up to 100,000 pallens if any helpful leads or information is given to FY themselves

this article was paid for by the advertiser

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. THE POPE IS DEAD. We are sad to say with very sad hearts. Well , I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

GNI69: The FY Corporation’s Stock value drops nearly 50% from their highest value, following the alleged inflation of the Calculian economy. CEO Jordan Berer refuses to comment on the sudden drop, previously denying the inflation allegations in the press conference held on Monday. When asked the question “Why did FY give out so much money?” FY’s District Manager Zallie Cohnman responded “We are a business, not a nation. We simply donated to the island nation to assist their financial situation, nothing more or less”. We will provide more information about this matter as soon as more details emerge

GNI69: The FY Corporation announces their new Solar Start™ brand, a company that sell & install solar panels. They produce at minimum 500 watts per hour, and can come in as low as $100 per panel. They offer repairs that can be as low as free, and prices can vary depending on deals and bulk orders. This brand was launched perfectly in time with summer, as the scorching heat highs come along this season. As long as the skies remain clear, they will have plenty of business.

this article was paid for by the advertiser

---Velnotown Report---
SHOTS FIRED OVER CALCULIA
Paromatica has declared war on Velonia and Calculia, Today a battle between Velonian and Paromatica forces has occured in the seas and air of Calculia, Velonian forces are victorious, there are about 100 or less casulaties on both sides, more reports on the conflict are coming through

GNI69:
The President of Charity William Ticklemeister speaks out about the recent war advances made against the Velonian city Arine, saying “This war is unnecessary and unacceptable”. Also saying that they will be opening a charity to help Arine after the attack, if it were to happen

#=- Blitalian News -=#
Due to recent events between Paromatica and Velonia, we are making the desicion to close the country for the time being.

Due to the recent terror attacks on Cykaburg, we have our own problems to deal with at the moment. An exception to this will be to fleeing people who want to go through a background check process who wish to escape the warzone.

Thank you for your understanding Peloshia.

The Charitian Times
Charity has decided not to close their borders with the following Paro-Velonian war erupting. The Charity President William Ticklemeister has decided to bring in any refugees wishing to seek shelter from Arine. But the president has recommended for Arine citizens to seek refuge inside other Velonian regions, and only resort to Charity in a last ditch effort. We’ll have more on this story as it unfolds, thank you for tuning into The Charitian Times.

-=-=!!! Paromatican NoCapRadio !!!=-=- THIS IS A MESSAGE TO VELONIA AND THE PEOPLE OF ARINE. EVACUATE NOW. THIS IS YOUR FIRST AND ONLY WARNING

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. With war coming about we have had a lot of questions from viewers. One of them is where we stand in the war and the truth is we don’t stand with either side. We report the news of everywhere and everything with an unbiased opinion. Recently one question I have heard a lot recently is, where is the disastrous five? We haven’t seen Rango in months with some speculating he is dead without us being told. Some reports have said they have spotted Iyasu and Karma in Santulanan which we have no idea if they are true or not. Satamachi and Ivan have been seen all over the place. As of right now I’m looking to Rango, Karma, and Iyasu please save us from this war. Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

GNI69: After backlash following The FY Corporation’s alleged participation in the Invasion of Arine, FY has ordered for most FY signs to be tore down due to expenses of up keeping them.

!!THE WAVE NEWS!!
NenenæyuwyeveNenenæyuwyeveNenenæyuwyeve NenenæyuwyeveNenenæyuwyeve.... Nenenæyuwyeve

The Charitian Times 🧡🤍💙
Things don’t seem to be looking good for The FY Corporation, as more and more of their advertisement signs are demolished in order to cut costs. The risk of many FY owned locations closing is slowly increasing, following the companies major financial issues, many retailers pulling out, and many jobs quit. We asked CEO Jordan Berer last week at his mega million pallen estate, but unfortunately, he declined. However, a video was released by Jordan himself, saying things such as “We will not these financial hits define us”, and “It is only up from here”. We’ll see as more information comes out about this story, for now, thanks for tuning into The Charitian Times.

-CAHO TIMES-

• Bonald Began declares a state of emergency and threatened to use military force against anti war protesters in major velonian cities "You're time is numbered, enemies of Velonia will be stomped out regardless of who they are" - Bonald Began in Alexandria today

• Bharles Berk starts his "I am Very Smart" tour across Velonia starting in the University of Arine where he intends on debating people

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today officially starts the Peloshian Bontu Ball Tounement. (PBBT for short) The PBBT will be streaming on Channel 23 Sports News. With the start of the PBBT 24 teams will be competing every Sunday, Monday, and Friday to see who will be the greatest Bontu Ball Champions. The 24 teams are as followed:
1. The Azicory 7
2. The Bontu Bakers
3. The Arine Architects
4. The Blitallian Bontu Ballers
5. New London Loggers
6. The Caho Cockatiels
7. The FY FireFlys
8. The Big P Big Dogs
9. The Fire Island Fire Eel
10. The Actussian Spiders
11. The Montu Clao Cobras
12. The Castillian Chipmonks
13. The Chairville Chippers
14. Hydra
15. The Peloshian Pelicans
16. The United States Unicorns
17. The Service Frogs (FrogPeople)
18. The Pirates
19. The Canadian Eagals
20. The Danish Vikings
21. The Froghorn Ferrets
22. The Charity Hearts
23. The Sukaburg Scooters
24.The Nothing Nowheres
These teams will be competing with 7-8 members with 3 on the court. Who will be the next Bontu Ball Champion? Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. The first two games of the PBBT (peloshian bontu ball tournament) had been played today that being the Arine architects vs the Bontu Bakers and The peloshian Pelicans vs The United States unicorns. The winners of both games are The Bontu bakers and the peloshian pelicans. They will move on to the next round. Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

The Charitian Times 🧡🤍💙
The grand Bontu Ball Tournament has taken the city of Charity by a chokehold, as the match between The Charity Hearts VS The Froghorn Ferrets begins. A decently close match left us gritting our teeth, but ultimately, our city pulled through. The Charity Hearts made it to the next round, celebrations erupting all around the city. However, The Hearts should not stop training now. We believe in our team, and we hope the win is in our near future. We’ll have updates on the situation as time passes, but until then, thank you for tuning into The Charitian Times.

The Charitian Times 🧡🤍💙
The first assassination attempt has been made against Charity’s first president William Ticklemeister. It happened roughly at 8:37 in the morning when William had visited the newly built United Nations Building in Charity. When arriving to the entrance, shots would ring out on the stopped motorcade. The driver would immediately speed off, leaving the secret service to shoot and neutralize the suspect. Authorities would tactically move into the area, where they found the 23 year old deceased. Next to him was a printed out photo, this was the photo:

A motive has not yet been determined, and detectives don’t know where to begin. We may receive updates on the situation as it develops, but until then, thank you for tuning into The Charitian Times

• Caho Times -

After the invasion of Cocoethese, death of our prime minister Gama Yichita, and deaths of about 34k Velonian soldiers in the initial invasion of Cocoethese unrest is common along all of Velonia. Unemployment has hit 10% and the Palon has hit 8% inflation this year from global economic colapse. In these developments rebelions have broken out across Velonia. The Legion of Voleria, a hyper conservative religious militia has declared an independent state in central Fronteerland, Actussian lead communist militias begin their activities in Westfelia and Velonian occupied Actussia, The harnester leadership of Santulanan has declared itself the true authority of the region, Bayville has declared itself the Second Tenmachi, neo nazi militias have plotted an attack on the Caho Nuclear Power plant, and independence movement rise in each province. The current Vice Prime Minister Kelan Xian has yet to comment on the rising unrest across Velonia and disbelief in the government but is suspected to deliever a state of union address about it. The situation seems uncertain

Good News Inc 69 (GNI69):
The FY Corporation pulls out of The Froghorn Islands after civil unrest continues in the country over the recent Velonian War, plus the murder of many innocent protesters. This marks a huge financial loss for the country, as funding towards fighting riots/protests will be cut tremendously. CEO of The FY Corporation Jordan Berer refused to comment on the matter, despite the fact that he lives in a well over 5 million pallen home. The current situation inside The Froghorn Islands has turned down many different companies & vendors, even with some pulling out at the last moment. We pray that the situation is solved soon and peacefully

© Good News Inc, All Rights Reserved

Good News Inc 69 (GNI69):
Riots continue in The Froghorn Islands, as tensions rise and politicians are taken out. Brutal videos are circulating through social media involving violent attacks on innocent civilians, homes/buildings burning down, paloterapia, and much more. Local gangs in the area have used this to their advantage, one group recently well known for this is La Resistencia Del Sur. Within the past week, 3 chairman of The Froghorn Islands government have been taken out by the LRDS, with no signs of this tension slowing down. More like a thousand citizens have died since the beginning of the Stand Up Riots, with up to 250 soldier’s lives being claimed as well. After the assassination of John Fruitknuckle on the 6th, newly elected President Ortho Knucklefoot has yet to make a statement regarding the situation in the country. We hope that issues are solved soon, and that things do not get worse

© Good News Inc, All Rights Reserved

Caho Times:
The Velonian military has been deployed to deal with the Volerian Rebeleon, the Rebels have lost their territory and their lead Willaim Buckweld has been captured by the Velonian military and is slated to be exicuted. Velonia has offically declared the rebeleon over as the military captures and fights the last of the Volerian rebels. With this news spreading, US president Ronald Reagan condemns the Velonians for putting down the rebellion, ending his speech with the statement "Vhelonian has poked the bear, the bear of the god hloving capitalist hwest, and these godless Eastern communists will pay for their crimes against Christianity" the statement has provoked heated discussion worldwide

© Caho Times, All Rights Reserved

Caho Times:
This just ined, more news is happening, Today the notorous Darien Cartel, more equiped than they have been previously, attacked the capital building of Panama and officially started a civil war to overthrow the Velonian allied government, due to Panama's geopolitical importance Velonia is deploying a large military force to deal with the Cartel and keep the loyalist government in charge. Ronald Reagan also issued a national day of mourning for the defeat of the Volerians on May 12th

© Caho Times, All Rights Reserved

Caho Times:
(jeez more news keeps coming in today) Recent airstrikes and white phosphorus strikes have also happened today over Gaza, the West Bank, and Cairo. The Israeli President said that he believes Israel has the godly right to take the Suez Canal. Egypt and Israel are now officially at war, and Ronald Reagan and Margret Thatcher have proclaimed full support for Israel, British troops are being sent to assist the IDF.

© Caho Times, All Rights Reserved

Paromatican nocap news!!!
Hearing loud bangs?? Dont worry! Big Paramatican defense systems are working overtime to stop the invasion from bellsbee and actussia. Though their military might is strong our defense is stronger!! (distant boom) uhm… we will return shortly after these short messa- (static)

Caho Times:
We're recieving even more news.

• In the recent war between Israel and Egypt it only took 42 hours for IDF and NATO forces to march into and capture Cairo, the recent treaty gives Israel full control of the Sinnai Penninsula and Suez Canal along with international unrecognition of Palestein
• The Darien Cartel has offically taken over Panama and all Velonian ships are banned from using the Panama Canal
• A large amount of explossives have set off in both Birmingham and Detroit killing a suspected 200k people in both cities, conservative American and British politicians are blaming Velonia for the attacks but Velonia is claiming them as false flags and that they have nothing to do with it

© Caho Times, All Rights Reserved

Caho Times:

WAR

Ronald Reagan has offically declared war on Velonia and it's East African Allies "These Chammunist demons will be shown the might of Christianity and the west" he said sending the declaration of war to Velonia, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, and Burundi. The UK and Israel also declared war shortly after. The recent control of the Panama Cannal has allowed the US to deploy it's navy to the Pacific as the British Airforce and navy starts heavy bombardment of Dar Es Saalam and Mombassa. The Velonian public prepares to make a defence

© Caho Times, All Rights Reserved

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today’s news starts in a grim note. Beloved by some but not all Peloshia’s very own “Madeline Belvbie” was murdered. If you didn’t know her how couldn’t you, Madeline was well known for playing the main character in hit show “Me and the Big P” where her character “Jessie Rizroll” moves to Big Paramatica after her mother and father divorce. She also played on other hit tv shows and movies. She just released a new song called “Me and the big showbiz” a song about her in the show industry. Her body was found in her penthouse sweet in big paramatica. She was found with a paper crane sitting on top of her. Now we can’t reveal all the details but it is a sad story to hear. In other news, Peska has become the world’s number 5 trader of exports in the world. This is due to the abundance of resources they control in their country. Sources say that Peska has started growing very wealthy and has developed faster in the last few months then ever. This maybe because of their new leader “Tanka jahari” we couldn’t get a statement from him about this but a peskan man did say this to us, “I am very happy we are now under his rule he is a very nice and trustworthy guy.” Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

Caho Times: In some, less worrying news, researchers at the University of Alexandria have recently made a new model of Bioreactor. They put a slice of bread into the reactor and it was able to produce enough electricity to power a light bulb for 5 hours. They are conducting more tests to see if these reactors can be commercially available.

Caho Times All Rights Reserved

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today we mourn the loss of beloved Peloshian Bontu Ball Player Zafel Torn. He played for the Big Paromatica Big Dogs. This morning he was found with cuts all over him and a paper Crain sitting on his forehead. Police are saying that this may be connected to madeline belvbie’s death. They have no official confirmation yet but please do be careful. If we have a murder on the loose be careful of a paper cut. In other news, some volarian rioters were arrested today. They are all being charged with attempted murder, assault on an officer, and public nuisance. Four of the rioters will be also charged with vandalism and possession of a deadly weapon. Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

Caho Times: The British military has officially landed on the coast of Kenya and Tanzania and fierce fighting is breaking out between British and East African forces for the control of coastal cities. The first large scale naval engagement has occurred between the Velonian and American navy in the west pacific with an American victory, worry spreads across Velonia as the US navy approaches.

Caho Times All Rights Reserved

Caho Times: The American navy has arrived to the coast of Velonia and the heavy bombardment has begun, the US has deployed 100 destroyers 500 Bombers, 762 Fighter Jets and 2 Aircraft Carriers to the Velonian coast. Arine and Monte Clou have been significantly destroyed in the bombings, in the chaos the American military also stormed the prison in Monte Clou most of the Volerian leaders where held and freed them. William Buckweld has been killed however. Velonia’s East African allies urge a surrender. Mass protests to the war have also taken place across American cities as the info about the war gets out. The future is uncertain

Caho Times all rights reserved

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today marks the third victim of the Craine Killer. Well known CEO Piggle Wiggle was murdered. Piggle was know for running the biggest insurance company in Velonia “Harnsser insurance” where they would insure for any damages whether that be physical or mental that harnessers had done. This time the killer left a note reading “Can’t you see what I’m doing? These people are corrupt and will bring voleria to come true if we don’t stop them.” Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

Caho Times: American forces have occupied Monte Clou, Arine and Alexandria today. Velonia has an unconditional surrender after Ronald Reagan threatened to “Nuke Vhelonia out of ehxistance” And the treaty of Charity has been signed as an end to the war
Here are the terms:

• Kenya, Tanzania, Zanzibar, Uganda, Rwanda, Burundi will be annexed as territories of the UK
• Velonia will pay 20% of it’s treasury to the US
• All leftist political parties will be banned from Velonia and Voleria
• A US military base will be placed in Velonian territory near Whiskey River
• The Christian Republic of Voleria will be established in all southern Velonian territory and recognized by Velonia
• Velonia must either decommission all it’s nukes or give them to the US and UK

There is mass outcry in Velonia over the harshness of the treaty and a government in the new country of Voleria is being gathered, more news is to come.

Caho Times all rights reserved

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Our formal leader Ronald Rumph was found dead with a paper Craine on his face. This follows the great and noble sacrifice of the Rango Azicory, may he forever be remembered in our hearts. Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

Caho Times: today, on May 10th 1989 marks the 20th anniversary of the Treaty of Moscow, the treaty that ended in a Blitalian victory against the Soviet Union and the start of Blitalian occupation over Soviet Territories. Now the 20 year occupation made in the treaty expires and referendums across the territories will be held to determine if they wish to gain independence or remain a part of Blitalia. Currently it seems like support for independence is high in all regions and organizing new governments will be done with Blitalian cooperation.

Caho Times All Rights Reserved

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today April 17th 1992 marks the day that the Exorcists known as “The Official Prayers” have saved 30 cities all over peloshia from the demon raids. The leader Arboro Velin made the comment saying “It’s what we were taught when we were little. The gods have given us divine authority over the demons and we wield that authority to banish them from this world.” Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

Good News Inc 69 Presents:
—————————————————————————
The FY Corporation acquires Femboy Hooters
—————————————————————————
Today marks a new day in The FY Corporation’s history, as we may see their stock value increase for once. Just yesterday, Femboy Hooters Inc was acquired by FY in a $3B deal, which gives FY 100% of ownership over the rights of Femboy Hooters Incorporated. Femboy Hooters spokesperson Jigglefoot Disease makes another statement about the situation, saying “This deal shall be beneficial towards us, and we are looking forward towards our name being inside of every FY Store again”. In this message, Disease is referring to over a year ago when we wrote about FY cutting business with Femboy Hooters. Disease is looking forward to FY replacing all in-store Finn’s restaurants with Femboy Hooters locations, yet this is very much just a fanfic Disease is entertaining in his head. It may be possible they do a 180° and get rid of all in-store Finn’s, but we’ll have to see. Thank you for tuning into Good News Inc

© Good News Inc (GNI69), All Rights Reserved

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today October 10th, 2000, A group of velonina activists have broken into a Volarian Science facility and killed 10 people. We dont know what these activists want but it doesn't seem like a good thing for volaria. The Leader of Volaria has made the statement of "These activists took research that our people have been studying for a few months now. Not only that but they also took the lives of our men, we cannot let that slide. If anyone has any information on these activists I will pay you handsomly." With that statement here is a picture of what seemed to be a leader. A 6,2 Muscular man with brown hair. Some sort of glasses tech over his eyes and the lower of his face covered by a black mask with a Red insignia on it. Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

Good News Inc 69 Presents:
—————————————————————————
The North Islands Massacre
—————————————————————————
Civil war continues to rage on in The Froghorn Islands, with bombs flying, soldiers and sicarios dying, as no countries even offer to assist in fighting off these terror groups. Roughly an hour ago, we saw one of the most violent attacks in the wars current history, with videos circulating online of it. In the North Froghorn Islands, 36 people were killed by the LRDS (La Resistancia Del Sur), being completely innocent civilians. Most of them were shot to death, one was even beheaded, it was a horrifying attack by the group. Many people are mad about president Knucklefoot not saying anything about the situation, though I don’t think we need a president to condemn a bloody massacre. Our prayers are with the families involved, and we hope the situation gets better soon.
—————————————————————————

© Good News Inc (GNI69), All Rights Reserved

Caho Times: Today, February 1st 1991, stock prices of nearly all major companies have dropped lower than we have ever seen since the 1930s. This likely follows from the Paromatic War, Velnoamerican War, Cocoethese invasion and “Great Cleansing” which combined have claimed an estimated 2.5 billion people globally. This downturn is causing nearly every currency around the world to rapidly inflate and causing mass panic. People rush to horde everything in grocery stores before the prices get too out of hand, stock brokers have thrown themselves off buildings seeing their investments dry up, and governments scramble to try and contain this downturn. We have entered a decade of turbulence… we will have to see what comes of this. Stay safe out there

Caho Times all rights reserved

Caho Times: We are about 8 months into this troubling economic times, now with the failures of many governments to address the downturn many have people are turning towards other means of governance. Civil wars have broken out across the world, here is every country we know is going through a civil war at the moment:

• Texas
• Canada
• Mexico
• Panama
• Colombia
• United Kingdom
• Prussia
• Poland
• Yugoslavia
• Russia
• Siberia
• Nigeria
• South Africa
• Zimbabwe
• Iran
• China
• Japan
• Indonesia
• The Froghorn Islands
• Voleria

We also have the current report on the inflation rate of currencies since this global recession started

• USD $ inflated 78%
• Palon inflated 81%
• Pound £ inflated 52%
• Euro € inflated 34%
• Yen ¥ inflated 63%
• Rouble inflated 31%

Caho Times all rights reserved

Good News Inc 69 Presents:
—————————————————————————
Inflation RUINS The Froghorn Islands, Goodbye to the Froglin
—————————————————————————
As of writing this, the economy of The Froghorn Islands has absolutely been tanked. This was caused by the government, where they decided to print upwards of 100,000,000 bank note. This made the value go from 1 USD = 10 Froglins, to now being 620,000 Froglins = 1 USD (62,000% Increase). The hyperinflation was caused by the government printing massive amounts of bank notes to cover ammunition and supplies from other countries. Since the beginning of the civil war in November, The Froghorn Islands has bought around $35,000,000 to $80,000,000 of supplies, which the government never had the necessary backing to repay. This caused them to print the hundreds of millions of dollars to cover these costs, absolutely nuking their economy in the process. It wasn’t just the bills the government tried to sweep under the rug, as the LRDS shared videos online of them burning mass amounts of money and valuable resources. Things like bread or water are now an unbelievable hassle to buy, since the government bank notes cap at 100F bills (Average water bottle runs at 1.25 USD, or 77,500F). It’s unlikely that we’ll see the use of the Froglin continue after this civil war, that is, if it ever ends…
—————————————————————————

© Good News Inc (GNI69), All Rights Reserved

Good News Inc 69 Presents:
—————————————————————————
Forget today’s date
—————————————————————————
the LRDS apologizes for killing hundreds of Froghornese citizens, and decides to help the government in fixing the inflation problem. Together, they believe they can fix the Froglin, and make its value back to what it was… no they can’t, today’s April 1st, everybody go home…
—————————————————————————

© Good News Inc (GNI69), All Rights Reserved

CAHO TIMES: The Rhodes Bar Puch

This morning in the fledgling country of Voleria in the Ale Barrel Bar in Rhodes 25 far right extemists have been arrested after in was found that they where planning an insurrection of the Voleria capital. They are a part of the Legion of Rapture, a clerical facist party that has recently gained a lot of popularity in Voleria (due to the economic downturn). Party leader Philbert Wilmiston was also captured in the arrest, now they are being held in a prison, but many of the supporters for the party rally outside the prison for their freedom. This is admits the global recession that is hitting Voleria especially hard. A piece of bread now costs 2billion Volerian paloons.

Caho Times: 1990 Velonian Election:

As the world is consumed by downturn Velonia has been hit quite hard. The incompetence of the current government has been blamed for a lot of the downturn, Canton and Zanzibar’s independence and the loss of a capital city has made this worse. Political extremism is also on the rise with both Facist and Communist parties becoming more popular. So a lot of pressure was on this election. Imed Nasan a candidate from the Velonian Social Democratic Party has won the election with his plan to reinvest into the economy, breaking up monopolies, creating new government jobs, and investing into welfare and affordable housing. We will see if Imed’s plans will work.

Caho Times The First Holy Crusade

After the arrest of Philbert Wilmiston outrage has sprung up at all around Legionary churches. The Jehovan Party of America and Rapture Guardians of Canada have set off bombs in their respective countries capitals. The North American Legionary Church has declared “Holy Crusade” against the US and Canada. Bronc powered Harnester clash with soldiers over the US south and the Canadian west. Ronald Reagan has mysteriously disappeared leaving the US without central command in this time. This war has also inspired the white legionary elite of South Africa and Zimbabwe to take total control over those countries. These are uncertain times

Paromatica NoCap News!!

What day of the war is it by now? Who Knows! But we know our great Leader Sundrie has made another peace agreement with Belsbee To help fight against Volarea! It is also a hot time to go to Fire Island! The sun is shining and jets are flying! And this is a message to you Volarea. We will not change our ideas, religion, or lives for you. Long Live Paromatica!

Paromatica NoCap News!!

After an investigation into vault 211 and bunkers around Japan Town, as well as numerous surveillance violations. The Paromatican Government has released the "Cat Files" a massive documentation that explains over 100k unsolved cases. Riots and protests have begun as the people demand someone to be held responsible.

Good News Inc 69 Presents:
—————————————————————————
Charity Cuts ALL Deals with The Froghorn Islands
—————————————————————————
Charity recently made the decision to cease all financial operations with The Froghorn Islands today after their recent financial blunder. Three months ago, The Froghorn Islands had made a deal with Charity where they took out a loan of $5M. In return, they promised to pay back $6M to Charity. It’s been three months, and Charity has not seen even a penny of the amount back. In response, Charity cut all future plans to help the nation in its trying times, since The Froghorn Islands could not afford to pay back their current debts. President of The Froghorn Islands Ortho Knucklefoot declared this as a “Betrayal from a trusted nation” during a press conference, though I think we all see through that bullshit. Seeing as $300,000 of that money went to a repair on President Knucklefoot’s private yacht, the money isn’t going to the proper causes. The reason his yacht was being repaired was in response to an attempted assassination, where the LRDS launched massive gunfire at the yacht. Unfortunately… I mean thankfully, Knucklefoot wasn’t on the yacht at the time, so the country suffers- I mean prospers another day under his reign. We hope that the situation gets better, but I think we all know the first step to making that the future. Until then, this was Good News Inc, thank you for tuning it.
—————————————————————————

© Good News Inc (GNI69), All Rights Reserved

Paromatica NoCap News!!

This transmission is from Leader S. of the Actussian Military.

We have captured the Swordo Sundrie Nothing. And have assumed total control of Big Paromatica. Japan town, new London and Bellsbee watch your back. Join peacefully or be crushed by the might of Fort Feng and the SYBAU.

Leader S ending transmission.

Bellsbee Independence Broadcast

Bellsbee will seceded from Paromatica, as well as Sell the mushroom islands to charity. We urge other Tings to follow. We stand with Japan town. We stand with Charity. We stand with new London.

A blockade in the Paromatic sea will also take in effect. All Volarian and Actussian Ships will be denied entry into Bellsbee waters and will be engaged if necessary. Refugees are welcome and will be given asylum.

This is an official warning to The Emperor and Leader S. Tread with caution.

June Revolution

ARINE JUNE 12th 2004

After the succession of Belsbee recent news has happened within Voleria. The fledgling empire has faced it's biggest revolt yet. The eastern chunk of Velonia has been probably the most difficult part of the empire for Voleria to hold onto and after general Erwin was sent in to cleanse Arine, what has now been called the June Revolution has broken out. The Velonian Leftist Alliance (VLA) lead a large force against the Volerian military to free themeselves of the emperor's rule. The alliance of farmers, factory workers, academics, immigrants, and native peloshians have pushed the Volerian military all the way to Lake Cedar and have proclaimed an Anarcho Syndicalist society across easter Velonia, they have so far captured Arine, Fort Cedar, and Yeath. Leader of the revolt Hena Josar has gone into hidding, presumably to organize even more revolts across Voleria. The Volerian Military and Black Militia (Durado's army) are now at a stalemate and a 3 year cease fire has been signed.

Peska News Station 5

It’s a normal day. Nothing is different. It’s raining. Thanks for checking in

Emperor's Address

ALEXANDRIA JULY 4th 2004

After both the revolution of Belsbee and Durado, Voleria and Actussia weaken. Voleria however recently deployed an "experimental unit" to New London and all revolts have stopped, presumably to have a border with Actussia. There is also some evidence that Voleria is conducting their first nuclear tests and is building an arsenal. In this time of immense success and failure Emperor Inviticus has given an address to the world today on July 4th in Alexandria (presumably to appeal to American Legionaries). Here is that address:

"Voleria will stand stalwart, Voleria will not buckle. The "free" nations of the world may think they have won over us BUT THEY ARE MISTAKEN. They lack conviction, your average Velonian, Paromatican, Duradan, and Blitalian wouldn't die for their country, for their ideals of freedom, but Volerians and Actussians have the conviction. Actussias will fight tooth and nail to rid their land of colonists and get revenge for the plundering. And Voleria has raised a generation of millions of proud legionaries that would gladly die for Anglo Saxon supremacy over Peloshia.

Our enemies are of an inferior make and we the Volerians have made a generation of the ubermench, the world shall not be prepared when the final crusade arrives

The other thing we have over our enemies is unity, look at the "free nations". Constant bickering and disagreement, liberal, conservative, libertarian, reactionary, communist, anarchist, monarchist, pro harnester, anti harnester, how can such a fractured alliance hold? I'll tell you what... it won't. They are destined to fight and kill each other long before they will bring their degeneracy back to us, but we the Volerian? have but one goal, one leader, and one conviction.

We will fight to rid the world of degeneracy and it is the conviction of not only Volerians, but legionaries world wide, and now the Actussians.

WE WILL WIN AND BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF THE DEGENERATES THAT SEEK THE DOMINATE US SOON ENOUGH. LONG LIVE LEGION HAIL IMPERIUM"... [transmision over]

Good News Inc 69 Presents:
—————————————————————————
Club Zero faces MASSIVE backlash & sales drop!
—————————————————————————
Inside Charity City, a popular show venue Club Zero resides. Owned and operated by Bacon Funk Enterprises, they had announced the Arby’s x Long John Silver’s Takeover Tour would take place there. The tour would take place in a total 43 cities across the United States, Canada, Charity, Velonia, and Paromatica, though its announced showing in Charity was not received as well as they had expected. While the tour sold out in cities like New York, Los Angeles, Tel Aviv, and Jerusalem, the venue sold only 12 tickets of the 45,000 expected seats in Charity. Protesters have gathered outside of Club Zero, protesting against the artists on the tour. Despite respected artists Rod Wave and Bbno$ expected to show up, the presences of Tom MacDonald, Dax, Erica Kirk, and even TheBurntPeanut heavily influenced the anger and negativity around the announcement. Protesters have blocked off the road entrance to Club Zero, chanting terms like “Not My Tour” and “An Israel Tour”. While we can only hope the situation gets better, we’ll release updates as the situation evolves. Until then, this was Good News Inc, thank you for tuning in!
—————————————————————————

© Good News Inc (GNI69), All Rights Reserved

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. 21 years after the Cocoethes incident and some parts of Australia are still having rampant plant monsters roaming the waste land which has been named “The Floral Zone.” The Yellow Sea Crater, the crater that was made when F I G punched into the ground in the Yellow Sea and spans from Beijing, China to Gunsan, South Korea, Has actually brought some harsh conditions in those areas like, harsher earthquakes and taller tsunamis. Some good news is Sweden and Finland have both thrived from F R A N’s rapid plant growth. Both countries have reported better harvests ever since. In Demon Hunter news, there is now a Hunter group in every continent. Africa just got their first group a few days ago whether if it will be helpful or not will be seen. Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

World Bontu Ball League

CHARITY MAY 21st 2008

As we go into summer the 35th world Bontu Ball League is on the horizon. Charity has been selected as the place the league will be hosted this year with the first games happening June 13th. 50 countries from around the world have gathered teams to face off. Here are all the countries currently in the league:

• Velonia
• Charity
• Blitalia
• Froghorn Islands
• Calculia
• Paromatica (team in exile)
• Peska
• Teln (separate from Blitalia)
• United States
• Canada
• California
• Cascadia
• Mexico
• Haiti
• Jamaica
• Colombia
• Venezuela
• Peru
• Brazil
• Chile
• Argentina
• Spain
• France
• Germany
• Italy
• Czechoslovakia
• Norway
• Sweden
• Ukraine
• Greece
• Turkey
• Qatar
• Oman
• Iran
• India
• Canton
• Thailand
• Philipines
• Vietnam
• Siberia
• Indonesia
• Australia
• Egypt
• Nigeria
• Tanzania
• Kenya
• Uganda
• Rwanda
• Ivory Coast
• São Tomé and Principe

May the best team win

Good News Inc 69 Presents:
—————————————————————————
The Froghorn Islands War Gets WORSE For Everyone
—————————————————————————
Today marks a new and scary milestone in the Froghorn Islands Civil War, as famous hero Dave Togekiro admits himself that the islands are “Far Too Gone”. It all started 3 days ago, when The Froghorn Islands turned to legendary freakster Dave for assistance in war efforts (I guess over $6 million wasn’t enough). Today, Dave has admitted himself that the cartels and gangs ravaging the islands are “Too much for me to handle”, and that the country itself may be “Far too gone for any fixing”. Since the beginning of this war, the population has had a steady decline in the region, with a drop from an estimated 386,000, to a low 190,000. Most are immigrating away from the islands, yet some unfortunately get caught up in the crossfire and can’t make it. Along with the terrible news, two recent bombings had occurred at two different hospitals in the Southern Islands region, killing 3 total and injuring many. On the side of good news, it seems that The Froghorn Islands’ military is making efforts against the LRDS, as they have recaptured the entire city of Jiggleford in the Jiggleford region. We hope the situation continues to improve. Until then, this was Good News Inc, thank you for tuning in!
—————————————————————————

© Good News Inc (GNI69), All Rights Reserved

Volerian address to the Froghorn Islands Civil War

BRIGHTON MANOR, MONTE CLOU, VOLERIA

As the Froghorn Islands civil war escalates a secrete meeting between the wealthy elites and military commanders of Voleria was held. Earlier today Minister of Purity Erwin Brighton has unexpectedly given a hand out to the citizens of the Froghorn Islands. “I know your nation’s proximity to us, if you must flea we in the port of Monte Clou welcome you with open arms”. This announcement has sparked controversy as many Volerians despise any immigrants and refugees in their country but many are fine with it considering the Froghornians aren’t native Peloshians.

Many opponents to Erwin have disappeared off Voleria social media and the number 1 movie in Voleria “The Price of Freedom” (depicting a Volerian soldier brutally killing every immigrant in his city) has been removed from theatres

!Breaking news! welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. Today August 8th marks the 3rd anniversary of the Skillset Arena Battles. This year the Healthy Onyx, with the skillset to turn anything he touches into onyx, fights against the world famous 2 time anniversary champion Black Willow, with the skill set to open portals to a infinite capacity container (he stores everything he owns in it.). If you have not heard the Healthy Onyx did lose his last match but his opponent “Powerful Pete” was caught using Skillset enhancing drugs and was disqualified from the tournament and was replaced. Speaking of, Charity police arrested 15 people yesterday after finding an illegal skillset enhancement drug den earlier this week. The drugs were seized and the people involved have been taken into police custody. Since 1990 after people found out Rango Azicory was using Skillset enhancement drugs for a while before his sacrifice, may the officials look upon him, they have grown in popularity. As a reminder these drugs are highly illegal and if caught using or dealing them you will be arrested and facing up to a 500,000 Pallon fine. Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.

Washington Accords

WASHINGTON DC, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Earlier today the president of the United States Paul Groseman had a meeting with various world leaders. After the meeting was held Groseman announced the dissolution of NATO and separation from European Democratic allies (something Paul and many Republicans have been campaigning on) a new alliance has formed dubbed the Alliance of Freedom, with the following nations involved:

• United States of America
• Neo British Imperium
• Argentina
• South Africa
• Rhodesia
• Voleria
• Actussia
• Israel (exiled government)

With this announcement also came a 2 billion dollar weapons contract with Voleria, a deploying of US forces to Palestinian Waters, and the president hinting towards plans to invade Canada, Cascadia, and California. This announcement came with upheaval across the democratic allies of the US who are now also discussing making an alliance of non US aligned democratic countries. Despite these changes and opposition from the Democrats the media is overwhelmingly supportive of Groseman and has started smear campaigns against Groseman's opponents and started broadcasting documentaries about the "evils and savageries" of native peloshians.

🧡🤍💙 The Charitian Times
===================================
Today, the city of Charity finds itself struggling from success as the 2008 Bontu Ball World Cup slowly comes closer and closer. Recently, almost every hotel, AirBNB, and rental property in a 25 mile radius of the Charity Stadium has found themselves completely booked up during the Bontu Ball tournament’s two month length. We interviewed the regional manager of the downtown Boof Ass Inn & Suites Zachary Asswagon, who said “While it may be beneficial for profits, but it’s terrible for locals or tourists coming to see the city”. Not everything is that bad, as stadium sponsor Daward’s Enterprises has released a new limited time sticker for the new event. Every location offering this limited time sticker has found themselves completely sold out, unable to keep up with the absolutely massive crowd that waited in lines for hours before the openings of them. What a crazy situation this event has put companies in, truly suffering from success. We cannot wait for the roll out of the event, and see who is the truest Bontu Baller. Until then, thank you for tuning into The Charitian Times!
===================================

The Charitian Times LLC

CHANNEL 22 NEWS

Welcome to Channel 22 News. I am Mr. News here with the news. The circus is coming to Big Paromatica. The circus will only be in town for a week so don’t miss it. If you are on a road trip it will be a great rest stop. With other news the demon hunters of peloshia, also known as the official prayers, are holding their Annual recruitment fair. The fair lasts for two weeks, after that if you are accepted you will be given an exam and a physical. The demon hunters are very picky so they are only accepting 5 new members,this will then take their total up to 25 (the third lowest amount of demon hunters in a country. First being Africa and second being Vatican City) Well, I’m Mr. News and this has been the news with Channel 22.